ohm.

sometimes i wonder what it takes to get peace of mind.

some of the people we meet are so self-content, it's admirable. i think i may have met a handful of people like that. my father and brother included. they remind me to take a deep breath and a step back from situations that are overwhelming to me. it's crazy when you have self-confidence, you unconsciously inspire it in others. they inspired me. and a few of my good friends now. there are people out there who accepts you just as you are, i've found them. it's wonderful. personally, i pick up on people's feelings easily and i know what to say when they need me to say it. for better or for worse, i can be sensitive. i've realized i can't expect all people to reciprocate because that people are different than me, with different ideas about human interaction. sometimes though, i meet people who do. i just wish i tell these people how much they mean to me more often.

then, there are the others, with whom it is difficult to maintain relationships. they are not satisfied with anything, and there is nothing you can do to help them realize that what they seek is unobtainable, what they seek is not worth trying to obtain. in high school, i used to be one of them. i used to want material things. i believed it made me worthy. luckily, i've grown out of that. i don't know how, but maybe it's just a vital part of growing up: to lose that insecurity that often walls you off from forming meaningful relationships. how many times have i hesitated because i didn't think i measured up? if i could turn back time, i can think of some things i could change. would i? probably not, the possible butterfly effect would not be worth changing what i do have. i love my life.

i shouldn't have drunken that coffee at 6 pm. i can't sleep. (but if you bring a travel mug to starbucks today, tax day, you can get free coffee! it's not in honor of tax day though, it's preparing us for earth day!)

Flashback:
November 2004. I had just gotten my license that August and got into my second car accident in three weeks (I know that sounds bad, but I haven't gotten into one since!!). I was so bummed, but Dan consoled me in health class when I was being super pessimistic and exclaimed dramatically that I was a failure. He pointed to his thick binder and said, "This could not hold all of the good things you've done." He was one of the few people I knew who always knew what to say to me. Then, around Christmas, he texted me and asked if I was home. When I said, I was, he asked why I didn't answer the door. There he was with a copy of, "The Voice of Reason", to get me through my angst-y time. I wonder if he is like that anymore because I haven't met anyone like him since.