unexpectations

today was SO lovely in more ways than just the unexpected sunny weather that was originally forecasted for rain.

i unexpectedly woke up early at 6 to the sun so bright streaming through the window (after 8 hours of sleep because i passed at 1030 last night). i slowly sipped my green tea while reading through some notes.

class was really entertaining, i enjoyed dr. taylor's talk about gonorrhea, despite its seriousness. lab ended way early, but i was happy to identify salmonella and pseudomonas. i was unexpectedly asked to go on a short walk in between classes, which was incredibly beautiful with the trees blossoming, the grass greening, and the sky crystal clear.

then, emily unexpectedly told me she wanted to come visit on memorial day weekend, which made my day.

when i went to get coffee just now, the cashier unexpectedly told me it was on the house. as i stopped by the biochem office, there was pizza (that i shared with quynh), some sort of apple dessert (that i didn't share quite so much) and chocolate (that i tossed to tessa) waiting for me. amazing!

"If you love two people at the same time, choose the second one, because if you really loved the first you wouldn’t have fallen for the second."

-Johnny Depp

Today was so perfect, waking up and eating breakfast was lovely as I saw the weather forecast at a high of 64 degrees. Tomorrow it's going to break 70! Bacteriology was interesting and lab was short. Menaka and I studied independently and then went to the SBM talk with Dr. N. He's so eloquent. Then I went to DHMC to study and prepare for my OSCE at 6. After Jocelyn drove me home, I went to the gym and ran and ran and ran. It felt really good as I tried learning all those pesky pathways of the thalamic nuclei.

Last night Bri showed us how to do a headstand, so I've been practicing. I am going to succeed without the help of a wall, too.

savasana

inhale.
exhale.
clear your mind.
focus on the breath.
inhale.
exhale.

yoga tonight was relaxing. and i'm so happy for the people in my life. i think with a combination of productivity and talking to the right people - i've finally found my balance. i no longer feel in limbo. plus, the sun came out (though unfortunately, i got my first mosquito bite in hanover today - in the most inconvenient location)

thank goodness for chelsea's matzah ball soup.

"i'm sorry i'm dropping the ball."

"that's ok, i'm here to catch it."
-a

with some people, conversations flow so easily. do you know why? because when you ask a question, that person usually asks you one in return.

"how are you?"

yesterday as i sat in my one-sie, looking over the chemical senses lecture, someone i met but rarely talk to came up to say hi. we talked about the small things and suddenly out poured the past 15 months of this person's hardship. it was really incredible to talk and encourage - both of us knowing that he or she will be just fine.

Happy birthday Becky and Natalie!

"dignity is more important than wealth."
-dr. donavon at an ethics talk

takeaway points:

you can't expect sustainability without the input of the people you're trying to help.

a little well thought action is better than nothing or a even worse, a rash impulse.
---
just because phi makes awesome mixes
http://soundcloud.com/phiunit/homeremix#

HAPPY BIRTHDAY SAVITA

"Starlight is right at threshold for rods to detect but not cones. Out in periphery, you can detect bright stars with rods but when you turn to look at it, you see stars with fovea (mainly cones) and they seem to disappear when you look at them directly."
 -Dr. Maui

This information kind of makes me sad...

"if you're aware enough to give yourself a choice, you can choose to look differently"

-david foster wallace

today was a learning day. i browsed in bed. i studied in my seat. even in dogward facing dog, i dug through my notes. all the while, i was snacking and listening to music. at a good breaking point, i headed out to the gym but realized it was the most beautiful day in hanover that i could remember. i ran back to my house after walking half a block, threw my microbiology book down, and went for a run. though, i shouldn't have run so soon after eating because i cramped hardcore. regardless, since my mood is heavily influenced by weather, i was happy.

now it's pouring outside my window, and i have to admit that i love the sound of the pitter patter of rain drops. it also reinforces the notion to do things while you can... because who knows what could happen in just a few hours.
---
per sergey's recommendation: david foster wallace's commencement speech, kenyon 2005
http://publicnoises.blogspot.com/2009/05/david-foster-wallace-kenyon.html

"drinking on a monday night leads you to alcoholism. drinking on a friday night leads you to a good time."

-sergey, as he tried to get me to go out tonight instead of after my monday test

i always laugh when i'm at home. it's awesome.

i skipped neuro today and tried to study as i drank coffee. i went to class at 10 am;  pathology lab is fun when you find everything you are looking for, esp with johann, marco, beth, yike, htet, jess, victor, kevin, menaka and brittany around me... oh that pink proteinacious fluid in edema. as johann would say, "that is hot."

then i went to the library and studied until i got spacey. it happens often these days as the weather gets sunnier and the days longer. jon showed me pictures of his babies, and they made me gush. both of his kids are so adorable with chubby cheeks and big ol' eyes. i went to the alumni council heart rounds and hung out with fellow classmate, joe and dr. ann davis while drinking water and snacking on hors d'oeuvres before going to the gym and running while studying the antibiotics.

so many familiar faces - it was a party there! who knew dana library and the gym would be such happening places.

tough love

there are three things i was reminded about:
1. no one is going to hold your hand. if you want to do something, just do it. learn along the way.

2. my family and friends have a wonderful sense of character. they always call people out on whether they are trustworthy, sketchy, or a bit off - whatever the case is. i always give those suspect people a chance despite any advice received. i should stop that because i'm generally wrong.

3. when you think of something painful, you think of something bad. but pain is necessary for your survival. it teaches you to stay away from it next time.

"you do you, and imma do me."

-prostitute on the subway that savita overheard arguing with a businessman who was lecturing her

whenever you start a new friendship or whatever, it should be a relationship that benefits both of you. if not, the imbalance will weigh on you. maybe you can bear it for a little, but there comes a point when you just have to cut the cord. after all, you deserve to have what you want... life is way too short.

it's just not worth the mental angst to feel stressed about people who don't feel the same way about you.

"If my life is mine. What shouldn't I do?"

-metric

for class we had to attend an aa meeting. it was really cool to hear people share their stories. i can't imagine the constant internal struggle. bravo for taking the steps to be where you want to be in your own life.

"honesty still fascinates me everyday."
-aa member

these days, i have been feeling confused but i think it is best to just go with the flow. afterall, being conflicted means i have a choice between two things. i don't necessarily think that is the case. so i guess each day brings a new scenario and the only thing i can control is my own reaction.